Month: February 2018

parenting with humor and humility, life hacks for parents of toddlers – teens and beyond

a different perspective

Parenting with a sense of humor is a lot easier said than done! We all have seasons in life where we  just wanted to escape? Maybe you are there now.

here are a few tips to help you survive those  seasons of grief, uncertainty, frustration, loneliness and exhaustion…. whether you are waiting for the kids to grow up or wishing that they had not.

Here is my “life hack” for those times that we just can not wait to get out of.

are you ready? this is really important and complicated….

embrace the life you have, attack it, do your very best at it and become your best self while you are IN it.

Because this season will pass

but the choices we make in this seasons will last a life time.

I LOVE being a mom, it is my favorite thing in my life.

I adore my kiddos.

BUT I HATED TODDLERHOOD

it was EXHAUSTING then...
its funny now….

when my kids were at that stage between learning to walk and 4 I wanted to run away. I HATED everything about it…I called it the boring busy stage.

but I want another cookie NOW

do not feel too sorry for her, she wanted yet another cookie and we said no.

These were the hardest 10 years of my life…and probably the most productive……But let me tell you

I DID NOT ENJOY IT.

And that is OK.

laundry room and beyond
the laundry WAS folded

sure she looks cute…but that laundry basket had been full of FOLDED CLEAN CLOTHES….

toddler and football photo idea
not my best photo idea

seconds later he threw the ball at the photographer

We do not have to enjoy something to choose to do it well!

I was 23 when I started this stage and I was a prideful, impatient, controlling young woman. I  begged HIM to help me get through every long, hard day!  I fell on my knees in total dependence oh HIM because I knew only HE could equip me to raise my children well despite my sinful nature. I am so very thankful that HE met me right where I was and graciously began to fill me with HIS spirit and the fruit that comes with it. As I BEGGED HIM to help me to raise children who loved HIM and others well HE changed me into the mom they needed.

I wonder if when Moses was wandering through the desert with the Israelites if he felt anything like I felt when I was raising toddlers. I have a feeling that like me, he knew he could not do what was being asked of him, but that GOD living in him could.

Moses chose to OBEY GOD even when it was hard.

He chose to trust when he did not understand.

WE live in a culture that worships comfort and happiness. We try to escape uncomfortable as quickly as possible. BUT what if uncomfortable is the soil that is needed for the fruits of HIS spirit to grow….

what if Love, joy, peace, faithfulness, kindness, goodness, gentleness, patience and self-control grow best in the soil of uncomfortable.

what if our life is more about becoming a vessel that HE can use than it is about us being happy and comfortable?

 

 

 

This is me

I think GOD delights in using our broken best.

But don’t take my word for it, 

JESUS said

“My power is made perfect in weakness”

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

As I prayed about what I wanted to share with you this week My daughter posted this to  facebook.

🎶This is me🎶 this song has a lot of meaning for me. This song is for outcasts those who feel like they don’t fit in with the rest of the world because they are physically or mentally different. Those who have been torn apart by others because they don’t accept those who are different. It’s hard living in a world that looks down on you because you’re different but this song is definitely inspiring for me. It doesn’t matter if you’re different because that doesn’t define you. It’s hard to have a physical disability that will be with me for the rest of my life but I’ve learned that you have to embrace it and make the most of it. Yes sometimes I do get upset because of the struggle and frustrations that I face on a daily basis but I just have to remind myself that my disability will never define me and that there must be a reason God chose to give me a diabilty. Don’t change yourself for the world. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Don’t let others tare you apart. Be You!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLFEvHWD_NE

Lily HATES attention. she hates being stared at , she hates needing help, she hates being on stage, she HATES being different.  She is an introvert and a perfectionist so having a limb difference that makes you stand out every moment of every day is so very hard for her. This post is JESUS in her. Only HE can bring this kind of healing. And HE can only heal what has been placed in HIS hands.

When I began to home school 20 years ago I used books to teach. I read hundreds of books to my kids every month, This practice made me more and more comfortable with reading.

We read about a different missionary or follower of Jesus every week. What stood out to me in every one of these stories is that GOD delights in using people on whom the world has given up.

Ben Carson grew up in a neighborhood where most young men ended up dead or in jail….He became a renown surgeon and is now the secretary of housing.

Gladys Aylward was told that she was not “fit for missionary work” by the Chinese inland mission. She worked as a maid for 3 years to save up enough money for one way train ticket to China.  Once in China she helped make life better for thousands of prisoners and saved hundreds of orphans.

Elisabeth Elliot became a young widow and single mom after only 3 years on the mission field. She went back to the people who had murdered her husband with a toddler on her hip and led them to faith in Jesus.

If you would like to read more I recommend the series “Hero Tales”

http://www.daveneta.com/

Before she wrote 1000 gifts Ann Voskamp was so paralysed by fear that she had a hard time leaving her home. If you have not met Ann here is a link to her website, I highly recommend that you get to know her grace filled, broken self.

http://annvoskamp.com/

Here’s the thing. None of us likes to be broken. None of us want to admit that we need help,. Most of us hate that there are things in our lives that we just can not fix….. so we hide our broken behind our strengths. We work really hard at getting better and better at what we are already good at so that no one will notice our broken parts….But

I think GOD likes our broken best…

when HE uses the broken it is clear that it is HIM and not us.

I know that I tend to forget to give HIM all the credit when I am working in my strengths.

then your hearts will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God……Deuteronomy 8:14

Dear friend, I wonder if there might be something in your life that maybe our heavenly FATHER wants you to give HIM so that HE can show off!

HE is such a master at creating

BEAUTIFUL BROKEN

If you have time please listen to this great teaching by Andy Stanley

http://northpoint.org/messages/five-things-god-uses-to-grow-your-faith/personal-ministry/

 

LET IT GO

A year and a half ago I began to create space in every part of my life.  We downsized from a 5 bedroom home to a three bedroom condo, from 5 kids at home to just 2 and I stopped the crazy pace that I had set for myself for the last 25 years.  I got really intentional about what to keep and what to let go of.  I spent the better part of a year sorting , giving, and throwing away all the stuff….and I mean ALL THE STUFF.

And as I did, I let all the feelings that came with every little shoe, pink dress, piece of art, book, paper and toy come to the surface. I didn’t try to hold it in, I let myself cry over each memory, I gave myself permission to grieve every lost opportunity, every missed snuggle and bedtime story and then…

I LET IT GO

I thanked Jesus for all he has given me, for all the time he let me spend with my kids as they grew up, I asked  HIM to forgive me for ALL my failures, cried a bucket of tears and then….

I LET GO.

I let go so that I could embrace this season….

the season of  #1 and #2 walking down the aisle and giving their hearts, their lives, their time to another.

precious #3 getting a place of her own and entering into all adulthood has to offer her.

The season of walking along side fiercely independent #4 as she struggles to accept that she can not do everything that others can. The season of helping her enter in to her grief as she heals from all the trauma from her past. the season of working together to figure out what amazing things GOD has for her in her future.The season of walking alongside #5 as she tries to figure out who she is,  The heartbreaking season of helping her struggle with the rejection she feels from her birth mom…..helping her begin to grieve that loss so that she can go into her future a healthy, healed young woman. The season of witnessing Each good choice she makes for herself. The season that brings her closer to becoming the young woman God created her to be…..

Embracing the season that holds the hard work of helping them both to not need me anymore…..the season of helping them see that God can meet their needs way better than I ever could.

But for me to be able to embrace THIS season I had to let go of a season that I loved.

 I had to learn not to fill up my FUTURE with all the stuff from my PAST so that there could be room for my NOW.

 I had to accept that my plan was not HIS plan. I gave myself permission to grieve the future i thought I was going to have in order to embrace the one I DO have.

This was  very emotional work but it was also very practical work. I can not express to you how important  it was for me to get rid of everything I did not need,  to let myself only keep what I loved.

My closet now holds only what fits me and makes me happy.. this meant I had to let go of my old body and accept the one I now have.   I have  extra space in my cupboards, both cars fit in the garage, we let go of everything that we did not use.  We also have more TIME because we stopped doing things just because we felt we OUGHT.  we get to have game nights and read books and hang out with friends and go for walks, because we know how fleeting these years with our kids are!  For the first time in our lives we have resources to bless others in the way we want to, to save and even to travel a bit.

Whether your past is full of blessing or hardships, or like most of us, a lot of both, don’t get stuck there. The past is a place to learn from, it is our best teacher. So, let it teach you what it was meant to teach you and then

LET IT GO

So that your future can be all it was meant to be.

It is so easy to get stuck.stuck in a season, stuck in hurt or anger or regret

TODAY is hard enough without weighing ourselves down with our yesterdays.

so would you let me encourage you today

whether you are letting go of that newborn and chasing the toddler or putting your kindergartener on a bus for the first time or watching your newly graduated senior drive off to college or walking them down the aisle or watching them become parents or watching your grandchildren do these things…. spend some time letting go of what WAS

so that you are free to enjoy what IS.

space for silence

For most of my life I filled EVERY waking moment  (and sometimes sleeping moment) with sound. Christian talk shows, pod casts, tv. baseball games, books on tape….you name it.  sometimes it was just background noise and sometimes I paid very close attention  in order to  drown out my inner voice. it stopped me from thinking too much or feeling all the feels….

I USED NOISE TO NUMB

which is why  I found it so important to make
SPACE IN MY LIFE FOR
SILENCE

God has worked wonders in my heart in the silences.

But at first it was PAINFUL!

I would stare out the window waiting for GOD to talk to me…some times I would sit there for like 5 whole minutes!!!!! HE apparently had nothing to say to me so I opened up my devotional and started reading, pray, journal and get on with my day.

I am still not a sit still in silence kind of girl….

But what I have found is that when I am painting a room or making dinner or cleaning or driving or doing any of the mindless things us moms have to do in a day I don’t turn on the radio or TV.

I just listen

for HIS still small voice

When I can, I go for a walk in HIS creation.

sometimes I do not like what I hear! God will bring to mind something I said to my husband or child that I need to apologize for or he will convict me of some other sin that needs attention

sometimes I will start to think about a hurt or a loss and REALLY want to turn ANYTHING on so that I do not have to go there. but I find when I do let myself “go there” HE is there too, ready to comfort and heal.

Sometimes God will tell me to call one of my kids,  I will just get a feeling that someone is struggling and needs to talk.

But mostly

When I slow down enough to hear HIM what I hear the loudest is

I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE PRECIOUS, I AM CRAZY ABOUT YOU, YOU ARE ENOUGH, DON’T WORRY

This is how I have learned to discern the difference between HIS voice and my own….. God may convict  me but HE NEVER shames me. HE may correct me and discipline me, but HE NEVER belittles me.

How I want you to hear that voice! How I want for you to know how very loved you are. So, if I may, let me encourage you to find

space in your life for silence.

Space in which your heavenly FATHER can come in, wrap HIS arms around you and tell you how crazy HE is about you.

I’m pretty sure you will be glad you did 🙂

my sister named this the theme song for this blog….enjpy!