Believe the best

Fill the Space with Grace

 When  someone disappoints me it is usually because there is a gap between what I expect them to do and what they actually do.

What I place in that gap has the power to either fill my relationships with bitterness and anger or trust and grace.

here’s the thing, I have the power to CHOOSE which ear to listen to. I get to choose to feed the negative voice or the grace filled voice. it is MY choice. it is your choice too!  You can believe the best or assume the worst.

My husband has about 127 words a day and most days he uses them up on those pesky people at work. By the time he walks into our home and sits down for dinner his conversation bank is at ZERO.

For YEARS this made me hoppin mad. My expectation was that “good christian dads” led their family in devotions after dinner. “good husbands” asked about your day at dinner. He did not do these things and I created a narrative in my head that went something like this……”he could care less how our day went”, “he does not want to be our spiritual leader”, “if he really loved me he would figure out a way to communicate it better.”

YUCK!!! YUCK!!! YUCK!!

some things speak louder than words

I am so ashamed to tell you that my need to be right, my pride, let this go on for YEARS.  After one of our “you don’t care about my needs or our family” arguments I saw in Paul’s eyes a look of total defeat and despair that I will never forget.

The truth was that he WANTED to fulfill my expectations….he lacked the emotional, social or physical resources to do it.

I had a choice, I  could continue to demand something that he was just not able to give, believing that he could if he wanted to, he just did not love me enough to try. Or I could believe him when he said “I want to please you, I just don’t know how”

I chose to believe the best. and that has made all the difference.

It did not take away my desire for him to talk more, he knows I need words and he gets better all the time at talking even when it is hard.  Believing the best did not take away his responsablity to meet my need for conversation but it did take away the pressure of having to perform in order to be accepted.

please understand me, I am not asking you to be blind and pretend. Some issues need to be addressed and change needs to happen.  What I am asking you to do is to believe the best until you have no choice but to believe the worst.

1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that

Love ALWAYS

PROTECTS (looks for a way to keep love alive)

TRUSTS (looks for a generous explanation)

HOPES (refuses to give up hope until proven otherwise)

PERSEVERES (always looks for the good)

Choosing to believe the best in people has the power to transform every relationship in life. It has even impacted the way I process the actions of those I have never met.

Last week I shared with you some of Emma’s story, how she was struggling to forgive her birth mom. She had created a narrative in her head that went something like this. “My birth mom did not want me, she threw me away, she was not strong or brave enough to do the right thing which was to keep me.”

The truth is we will never really know what happened. What we were told is that Emma was dying from an infection when she was lovingly wrapped up in a blanket and placed in a basket on the steps of a medical orphanage (not in a crowded marked which would have been much safer for her parents).

I fill the gap with grace.

I choose to believe that Emma’s birth mom had two choices, she could hold her sweet daughter in her arms until she died, or she could give her up and give her a chance to live.  I am angry at a system that made her make that horrible choice, but I love her dearly for making it.

I was able to tell Emma that her birth mom gave me the most wonderful gift I have ever received and I will forever love her for it.

We can choose to do this in so many areas of our lives!

Until we are given no choice but to fill that gap with a hurtful truth we have a choice to fill it with grace.

if you have time please watch this lesson by Andy Stanley,  It was a game changer for Paul and I.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8qwIgZVi6o