WOW is this hard for me! Like climbing mount Everest hard. As a 1 wing 2 on the enneagram (what?!? you have not entered that cult yet? It is a personality tool that helps you understand yourself and others… google it 🙂 )

funny story, I am actually NOT a one with 2 but a FOUR! 4s act like 2s and 1s so it was an honest mistake 🙂 so REALLY go listen to the typology pod cast, it is so full of wisdom!

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, contentment…The ever allusive, as soon as I think I am there I see a wall that “needs” to be painted, a ministry that needs” fixed” a deck that needs built, a child that needs “lovingly” corrected so that she can become more like me, or a husband that need directed so that he can do that project the “right way” God bless my family!

I wonder if I should write a book, or a blog, or a facebook post or should I unplug and forget about it all? I question everything I do, and everything I have ever done. I want people to like me and then I want to hide so no one has a chance to dislike me. One moment I am so proud of my kids I can hardly stand it and the next moment I wonder if I am a good mom.

If I am the only one that feels this way please don’t tell me!

So how do we do it? How do we find contentment in a world that SCREAMS from every direction YOU NEED TO DO BETTER, YOU NEED TO OWN BETTER, LOOK BETTER, EAT BETTER, WORK OUT BETTER, MOM BETTER, WIFE BETTER, SERVE BETTER

BE BETTER

What??? you thought I knew that answer to that question…hahahahahahahahahahaah

sorry, but no.

What I will tell you is that I have found a different question.

What does GOD want me to see today?

How can I place myself in HIS loving arms today so that the world I see is the one HE wants me to see?

I can be so distracted by the desire to make a huge impact on THE world that I forget that I am making an impact in MY world every day. for better or for worse.

What if it is more important that I smile at the elderly lady trying to figure out the self check-out lane (or better yet, offer to help her) when I am 10 min. late for Bible study than it is that I write a blog post.

What if God wants me to see that my teenager is really struggling with her identity rather than just trying to make my life miserable. What if HE needs me to just love her where she is at and give up the need to look “perfect” on Facebook.

Maybe today God wants us to SEE that lonely neighbor or struggling boss or tired young mom and share ourselves with them. just one person at a time. no facebook post to get likes on, no insta selfie to prove that we have value, just a pouring out of ourselves onto those that GOD wants to open our eyes to SEE…

In this world of so many distractions I have lost sight of those right in front of me. Those GOD has placed in my path to love. I have neglected the few because I want the many.

what if I give myself one hour to write a blog post instead of 6 and just let it be imperfect and trust that if you were supposed to read it you have 🙂 And that you will forgive all the “mistakes”

Life is hard and messy and exhausting

give grace

to yourself and those you cross paths with today

Summer 1998 I had given birth to my third child in 5 years. My oldest son had unending energy and I had 2 extra boys that I babysat so every day. Before quiet time i would pack the 2 year old in a stroller, wear the 4 month old and follow the 5 year olds around the neighborhood.

this is how I met Missy. She lived a block over and spent many hours on her porch swing trying to sooth her first child. she is quiet and private, I am busy and out there but we had one thing in common, we were both bored and lonely.

bored you say, with all those kids! yes, that busy bored, that mind numbing, so tired you can hardly stand up and so bored you think you might loose your mind if you do not have a conversation past “no you may not have another cookie, stop taking that toy from your sister, stop running, don’t do that,pick up your room, do you want a health snack, i don’t care of your not tired….”

Each day I would stay a little longer and chat as I would pass Missy’s house. her front porch was a bright light in my long days. this turned into watching trading spaces together every afternoon after nap time and as the kids grew and more were added and we all began to babysit we met our neighbor with a pool and spend countless hours sitting by it watching 8-12 kids swim all afternoon.

fast forward 10 years, we got a house with a pool so that we could host all the kids friends. I can not count the number of afternoons that my friends would come by with their kids and we would process our lives together as the boys tried to drown each other and the girls sun bathed and the littles went down the slide 100s of times. There was always ice tea or home made lemonade and those really cheap popsicles in plastic, pretzels in bulk or cookies that a friend brought over.

We had very little money, but we always had something to offer the many people and kids who came through our doors. Our home was never spotless and was always decorated in last years garage sale or last decades hand me downs. my cabinets had Bible vs taped on them that i had printed out on our printer with pictures of our family in the back ground and my family room’s “white” carpet was stained beyond recognition .

But all were welcome. In this world of pintrest and insta and snapchat and google I am afraid that young moms have this crazy idea that people come to their home to see how nice it is, to comment on that wonderful Hobby lobby find or that awesome new wood floor. They do not. and if they do you really don’t want them for your friend anyway.

Can I encourage you to use your device to invite a friend over this week, have tea or lemonade or coffee available, some place for the kids to play and just sit and visit. Be encouraging, share your struggles, be real and transparent and RELAX. Or make a meal or two together to take home so that you get to visit AND feed your family 🙂

But the biggest secret I will share with you when it comes to how to be hospitable, how to open your life and home and share life with others is…..

do it for your family first.

Have snacks and drinks available, have your home picked up and neat…not spotless, just kinda picked up and not filthy, DAILY. get in the habit of doing the dishes every day, picking up the toys a couple times every day. Do not live in a way that you would not feel comfortable inviting others into. The people who live under your roof are the ones you live a lifestyle of hospitality for. Do not wait to have friends over to brake out your best, Your best is for your husband and children. That way when others come into your home they feel the spirit of plenty and peace because you have created that for your family.

Guests should NEVER receive more than the ones who live in your home. They are your first priority. BUT when others enter your home and you have lived with this mindset they will feel welcome and loved, because you have created an atmosphere of comfort, plenty and love.

Hospitality is not about preparing your home for visitors, it is about creating a home that naturally welcomes all who come.

How many loads of laundry to you suppose you have folded? dishes washed? floors moped? Toilets cleaned?

meals made? diapers changed? boo boos kissed? round trip car rides going no where?

how many hours at sporting events, dance lessons, music rehearsals, and mind numbing, ear piercing jr. high band concerts?

How many hours of sleep have you sacrificed soothing colic, listening to teenager heart break, visiting the ER???

How many mind numbing hours have you listed to “the wheels on the bus” or Sofia the first. or Vegi tales? How many movies have you sat through that involved illustrated animals acting like idiots or teenagers falling in “love”

Have you ever eaten someones left over nuggets and fries that were 3 hours old because you only had $5 and you used it to get 2 happy meals?

Have you looked in the mirror and wondered who in the heck that old lady looking back at you is? Have you ever cried in a dressing room while trying on swim suits, or watching your beautiful teenage daughter try them on?

yeah, me too.

But my guess is that you dried those eyes and put on a smile and told her how lovely she looked. I would put money on the fact that you did not even think twice when you spent that last $5 on your child. I bet when you look back you do not miss that sleep but miss that little baby that found comfort in you alone.

WE MOMS GIVE OUR LIVES AWAY

We do it every time we work extra hours to buy that prom dress, spend hours making scrap books for graduation or give up getting our hair colored so our child can have dance lessons.

I say “sacrifice” But really what we did is we traded….

We traded our slim waist for tiny humans.

We traded a life that was all about us for a life that was about so much more than us.

We traded our youth for High School diplomas and weddings and grand baby’s.

We traded Netflix Saturdays for soccer games and gymnastic meets, volleyball tournaments and birthday parties.

We traded 5 star restaurants for stars on spelling tests.

And some how God takes each gift we give and he multiplies it….

He is making us more than we ever thought we could be,

He is giving us more strength than we ever thought we could posses,

He is filling us with more wisdom than we could have imagined

So dear young mama caring for a brood of life sucking toddlers (I mean impressionable precious tiny humans) take heart, these selfless days are not only creating amazing little humans, they are creating an amazing you!

You will look back on these days and wonder how in the world you did it, and the answer will be that you were willing to give way more than you received….

And it was worth it

And mama of adult children can I remind you (and myself :-))

It was worth it.

Am I the only one who has run herself silly trying to do all the things? One more chore list or meal plan or time management tool and THEN I will have it all together

But here is the thing…I have been doing that for 40 some years and I STILL do not have it all together…what is up with that?

In fact the older I get the LESS I feel like I have it all under control…

or maybe the more honest I am with what I CAN and CAN NOT control. that poem from AA that says give me the courage to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cant and…(here is the real trick!)

THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

It has been on my mind a lot lately, the thousands of hours I spent worrying about things I really have no control over…What if I had put all that energy into praying for them, learning to trust Jesus more, resting when I was tired instead of trying to do that “one more thing”

If I do not have the inner character to clean up the kitchen without making sure EVERYONE in the house knows that I am doing it ALL BY MYSELF AGAIN…then I need to stop and have a come to Jesus moment before that kitchen gets clean, or I need to have the courage and kindness to ask for help. please to do hear me saying just leave the kitchen a mess, that is no good for you or anyone in your home but I am saying figure out a way to get it done without the ATTITUDE! (please tell me I am not the only one who struggles with this….even if you have to lie!)

I can not keep my child from getting in a car accident, I can control my response, I can not control my teenagers snark or distance but I can control MY attitude with her. I can not control someone else’s mental illness but I can control the way I feed into it. I can exercise and eat right, go to bed on time but I can to control how my body responds to those choices.

I’m wondering if we focus on the BECOMING ig everything else will will just COME…

What if in BECOMING kind we naturally serve others,

or in BECOMING self disciplined our homes will naturally become places of order and joy

or if in BECOMING full of faith we would naturally embrace the life we have and let go of our need for control

What if it is in the BECOMING that we figure out who we were DESIGNED to be by our amazing, loving, perfect GOD

The thing is its a LOT harder to focus on our own inner selves than it is to try to fix all the rest of the worlds problems. OUR OWN SELVES are ONLY thing we really have any control over so that leaves us with no excuses and that makes it super scary and hard.

What I can tell you is that in my 50 years on this earth I have learned one thing, that there are no short cuts when it comes to becoming.

TIME with JESUS is the ONLY way it happens. The good news is that that looks different for everyone. some people find HIM in silence, some in nature, some in worship music, some in art…..the list is endless. We do our best BECOMING when we find what brings us joy and seek HIM as we do it. of course we all need to be in HIS word and pray but HOW we do that is as unique as you are my friend!

My plan in January was to write a blog every week, It was a great plan for when the girls were in school all day, not such a great plan for when they are home all day.

I know how fast summer goes! It feels like you go to bed in June and wake up in Aug.  There are 86 days between school ending and it starting back up again.  86 days to invest in my girls while they are still under my roof. 86 days to invest in their character and to fill them up so that they are equipped to head back to school.

There is a time for everything under the sun…for me this is a time to invest in the teenagers who way to  soon will be adults. There will be a season to write, its just not this one.

Why I love being a mom but Hate Mothers Day.

BECAUSE Being a mom takes courage

But for many NOT being one takes way more.

It is a day when many grieve a mom who is no longer here to give them a hug…

I lived through 5 mothers days of infertility with my sister, and I have single friends who want nothing more than to be a wife and mom, friends who have tried for over 10 years to have a child and their arms still ache, friends who have lost children for whom Mothers Day is just one more reminder of their of deep sorrow.

If you are one of the walking wounded on  this Mother’s Day

I am so sorry.

I am sorry that you will have to endure a weekend of motherhood being shoved in your face. I am so sorry that you will have to hear how hard motherhood is. (which it is hard, but it is also wonderful) When you are sitting there thinking I would give ANYTHING on this planet to clean up puke, or stay up all night, or be talked back to.

I hate Mothers Day because it is full of ridiculous

expectations and comparisons.

That husband who outdoes himself while you got all the kids ready to get out the  door, while your husband had to “run out for milk” because he forgot..again…

 Those amazing Facebook posts from  adoring children while your child is not speaking to you.

That woman who has TEN children and still wears a size 5 while you could not find anything that you felt good in.

That young mom holding her infant and glowing while you just had a knock down drag out with your teenager.

That mom who has ALL her children with her while yours are scattered all over.

That family with four generations while your mom is gone.

For all of you who are hurting today, please know that this mom sees you. But better yet, GOD sees you. He sees how hard you are trying to hold it together, He sees the sorrow behind that brave smile, HE sees you and HE loves you.

As a mother comforts her child so will I comfort you: and you will be comforted  Isaiah 66:13

Please know that I am very aware of what a great blessing and privilege it is to be a mom, I do not take that blessing lightly.

If you are a mom, and/or still have your mom with you, would you do me a huge favor this Mothers Day???  Would you take a look around you and SEE the ones who are hurting. Would you be Jesus with skin on for them today?

Oh, and if your husband did not plan a meal, get you a card or make sure the kids did…. please forgive him 🙂

This week my daughter Lily was given the assignment that all of us adoptive moms dread….The Family Tree.

The biggest problem was that it was given more as a “culture of origin” assignment, which meant she was to write about the foods and customs from the place where her ancestors came from.

REALLY?!?!?!

I understand that this is an English class and the teacher was just trying to get the students to find out about different places and write about them. He was not trying to make our family implode for a night, he was not trying to make a 16-year-old who is already struggling with identity question it even more. He was not aware that her perfectionism would make it impossible for her to just pick a country and do the assignment,  she needed it to be “right” and the way the assignment was written meant there really was no “right”.

I mean come on, even BIOLOGICALLY  there are 7 different cultures represented.

Please hear me, I am in NO WAY blaming this teacher, he has a very hard job and he was just trying to make a boring subject more interesting. It is not his job to help Lily with identity issues, it is ours.

At first, we encouraged her to just write about what her favorite foods in China were. This was NOT what we should have done…. She lived there for 10 years but has no “history” beyond that. She is a Ferrell and wanted to do the assignment as a Ferrell.

BIG TIME MAMA FAIL!

She was not a part of a family in China, Her FAMILY is US and her family tree is OURS. She is as much a Ferrell as any of us.

OF COURSE SHE IS.

Soooooo what is a mama to do with this kind of assignment? I don’t know that I have all the answers but this is how we approached it. I hope it helps.

I got a picture of a tree that had been grafted. Have you ever seen one?

I explained that even though she may not have started out growing as a Ferrell she was completely grafted into our family tree. Our root system is HER root system. Family is not biology any more than being a part of this beautiful tree is biology. Each one of the branches started to grow out of a different seed, but today they are ONE TREE. They share the same root system.

There has been a lot of “grafting in” in our family…..her sister Emma, her uncle Mike, her cousin Hannah, her brother-in-law Josh….All grafted in by our heavenly father who “gives families to the lonely” (Psalm 68:6)

We are family….Period.

So the next time your child who has been grafted into your family through marriage or adoption has a family tree project, do not fear! Just show them this picture, give them a huge hug and reassure them they are just as much a ___________ as anyone else on that family tree!

Facebook…. Instagram….blogging…. YouTube….there are so many ways to be “seen” in our world today.

There are so many ways to be rejected by our world…

so many ways to feel less than in our world…..

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10 NIV

HE knew who HE wanted us to be before we were born. we are uniquely gifted to do the job HE has for us to do….It may be smiling at someone, changing 20 diapers, driving jr. high kids to youth group, loving your husband well,  helping with homework, giving your neighbor a ride, leading a Bible study or writing a book. ALL ARE ETERNALLY IMPORTANT. The most important thing you will do today will not be “post-able”… I promise.

I am a married mom of 5 and I STILL feel the pressure to show the world “post-able” moments to make me feel VISIBLE, IMPORTANT, REAL…My heart breaks for all of us who feel that when we don’t get enough “likes”  we are not

LIKED!

WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR KIDS?!?!?!

WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OURSELVES?!?!?!?!

Here’s the deal, we were never meant to compete with the entire world for attention and approval. we are not all supposed to be famous, talented, funny, beautiful, rich or briliant…..we just aren’t!

I know that everywhere we turn we are told that we are to reach for the stars, be all that we can be, if you work hard enough you can do ANYTHING, be ANYTHING. It is just not true. I am a 47-year-old woman, I will never be a pro football player, I will never have a 21-year-old body again and I will most likely never be in a Hallmark movie or write a best seller….. (although I have not given that one up completely :-))

BUT SERIOUSLY

I want to be

CONTENT

I love this story of a king who went into his garden one morning and found everything withered and dying. He asked the oak that stood near the gate what the trouble was. He found it was sick of life and determined to die because it was not tall and beautiful like the pine. The pine was all out of heart because it could not bear grapes like the vine. The vine was going to throw its life away because it did not have as fine fruit as the peach tree; and so on all through the garden. Coming to a heart’s-ease, he found its bright face lifted, as cheery, as ever.  “Well, heart’s-ease, I’m glad, amidst all this discouragement, to find one brave little flower. You do not seem to be the least disheartened.” “No I am not of much of account, but I thought that if you wanted an oak, or a pine, or a peach tree, or a lilac, you would have planted one; I knew you wanted a heart’s-ease, I am determined to be the best little heart’s-ease that I can.”

So….I am going to look to the CREATOR for my identity rather than the created. Believing that HE knows what HE is doing.

I am going to be the very best Cyndi I can be…

    You keep him in perfect peace
    whose mind is stayed on you,
    because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Can I just tell you how sick I am of falling for the enemy’s tricks over and over again! It makes me so angry when I think of all the times I have spoiled a perfectly good day by letting fear of what may happen tomorrow creep in.

And I am not talking generic thoughts here…I have literally been in tears while in my imagination I am standing next to a coffin of a person who is alive and well…probably sleeping next to me! How I grieve the moments that I have wasted worrying about things I can not change.

Here’s the thing, some very sick, unrealistic, crazy part of me thinks that if I can dream up every bad thing that could possible happen then somehow I can keep it from happening….crazy right!?!?

I have shed REAL TEARS over IMAGINARY circumstances!

There is nothing wrong with preparing for the future. In fact God tells us to count the costs before we do anything but there IS something VERY wrong with living in fear of a future that is in HIS hands….do I trust HIM??

Do I live like I  believe Philippians 4:4-7

 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.

Let your reasonableness^[d] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I WANT TO BE A PHILIPPIANS 4 WOMAN!!!

The problem is that I know that loving JESUS does not spare me from all the scary things that happen here on earth. People who love and serve GOD get cancer, spouses die, children die, jobs are lost, bad things happen everyday and I KNOW that I am not exempt, NO ONE IS.

So what do we do with that?????

Today as I prayed…as I kicked and screamed and cried in my FATHERS lap, I heard HIM say once again, “my grace is sufficient for you”. I wanted to argue, I wanted to say “yes but what if ‘this or that’ happens”?!?!

Here’s the thing. He does not give us the grace and strength to deal with tomorrows sorrows today. HE says “do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trials of its own”.  He did not give the Israelites enough manna for tomorrow but only provided enough for each day. HE will give us the grace and strength that we need for our tomorrows when we need it but not before.

Please hear me……

WORRYING ABOUT EVERY POSSIBLE HORRIBLE THING THAT MIGHT HAPPEN DOES NOT GIVE YOU CONTROL OF ANYTHING!!!!!

too may times I have used up all of today’s strength and grace with tomorrows worries. leaving me ill equipped for the tasks set before me.

NOT TODAY SATAN!!!

NOT TODAY!

today I will  have hope because

MY FUTURE IS IN HIS HANDS

today I will choose peace because

HE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF ENOUGH FOR ME

 today I will put ALL my trust in HIM

I WILL REFUSE TO LIVE IN FEAR

I WILL REFUSE TO GRAB FOR PRETEND CONTROL

I WILL REFUSE TO LET AN UNKNOWN FUTURE ROB ME OF TODAY’S JOY

I will live as if I really really really believe HIS promises and I will stop falling for the enemy’s same old tricks.

today I will choose to be a proverbs 3:5 woman

(i will) Trust in the Lord with all MY heart,
    and (will not) lean on MY own understanding.

care to join me???

 

 

It is so easy to miss our ONE when all we can see is the EVERYONE.

This has been such a hard week. Too many friends are hurting and there is absolutely nothing i can do to stop it.  I have friends to sick to leave their home, .friends who have lost children,  are getting divorced, are running from God,  have financial pressures, have husbands with cancer…the list goes on.  My temptation is to hide. to give up,  to convince myself that nothing I do can make a difference.

Add on a mom who need surgery, a child with chronic headaches and not sleeping myself thanks to the fact that I am “middle aged” (really????!?!?!!?!?!) and the discouragement this week has been real my friends.

so, as I do not feel I have any wise words to pass on this week, I will leave you with this assurance….

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

AND

John 14:27

 

I have been reading this week in Ephesians 6 that we are to wear the shoes of peace. That peace is what will get us to where HE wants us to go. We are not ready for the battle if we have not put our footwear on. I had never thought of that before. We can not be ready for what GOD has asked us to do if you stay in anxiety and fear.

We will miss our ONE if we get to overwhelmed by the EVERYONE.

I confess to you that my ONE has felt more like 10 this week and it has robbed me of HIS peace. So excuse me while I put my shoes on…..

see you next week! in the meantime I re-visited this great message today, thought you might like it too!