As I look back I can see that having every moment of my life scheduled was one of the main things that kept me from seeing the things in my life that needed healing. I found out that the process of healing required me to

LET MYSELF FEEL THE PAIN OF THE MOMENT

My greatest desire was to love others well, but no matter how hard I tried I failed miserably. I could BEHAVE in a loving manner….for a while, I  would be kind, put others first and  try to not let my emotions rule the day but eventually there would be a kink in my armor….no matter how much I prayed and tried to become better at loving those who were most important to me I always fell WAY short and I felt like a failure.  It was not until I began to identify the lies that I was believing about myself that REAL and lasting change began to happen…..because, as I have since learned

DETERMINING TO CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR WITHOUT FIRST CHANGING MY HEART ALWAYS SET ME UP FOR FAILURE.

The more I ignored the pain the more overwhelming it became.

 when I was little I got a huge splinter in the palm of my hand. I did not want my mom to remove it because I was afraid of the pain it would cause to take it out, so I hid it from her. I kept my hand curled up, protecting it at all costs. A week later I was in so much pain I could not open my hand. This was over 40 years ago and I can still remember how badly it hurt, and how unhappy my mom was with me!

She kept saying,  with tears in her eyes, “why would you hide this from me! If you had let me take it out in the beginning it would have been so much easier on both of us.  I wish I could take away your pain but I can’t, the only way to make it better is to make it hurt”

Some of us have “splinters”  in our lives that are DECADES old. our skin has formed around them and we have become masters at protecting that area at all costs. this looks different for everyone. we all have our “go to” defense mechanisms…..pride, anger, depression, approval addiction, over achievement, co-dependency, self-protection, substance abuse…..this list is endless.

I have always read 1 cor. 13 as a list of things that I need to strive for in order to love like JESUS. (which is not wrong)

But lately I have been reading it as a description of how HE loves US,

I  wonder what would happen if we believed that JESUS loves us this way. Would if make us more willing to trust HIM with all the hurting places in our lives?  I wonder what it would look like if we took the time to open our hearts and let HIM get to work at combating the lies we believe.

This is a little bit of what this 11 year process has looked like for me

In the beginning of this journey I became aware that my need for control was hurting everyone around me, so I began the process of giving that up, that process led me to see that the need for control was fed by my desire for perfection, then I began to see that the reason I wanted everything perfect is because I felt unlovable unless I was wonderful, which was driven by pride so I confessed my pride and began to seek out wisdom on how to be humble, then I saw that the reason I protected myself with a shell of pride was because my heart believed from a very early age that it was my responsibility “fix” everyone and if I couldn’t I had no worth. As I was able to peel back each of these layers the glass wall I had built around myself began to get thinner and thinner.

obviously this will look different for all of us. I will share some of  the details of my story next week but first I want you to have a chance to pray about what YOUR story is. What are the splinters that you need to give GOD time to get out? a hurt from your past, a “no” from GOD that you are not willing to hear, a sin that you have rationalized? A grief you have not let yourself enter into?

Some of you have really big hurts in your past and you are going to need someone to walk through this with you. find someone who has gone through what you are going through and found healing on the other side.  Perhaps you need to find a good christian counselor in your area. Let me encourage you, whatever steps you take to find healing, it will be

SO WORTH IT!

we are complex humans, this is not a one week process. but a lifelong habit of giving our selves SPACE in our schedules to seek out answers to hard questions.

please watch this teaching by a licensed counselor, I believe it’s a perfect set up for next weeks lesson.

An open letter to moms of seniors

this is hard, this sucks, time went WAY to fast….

it will get easier! I promise

you are right, it will never be the same.

but it will be just as good.

We moved this year,  and in the process I got rid of more than I care to admit we had!. I spent the better part of last year sorting , giving, and throwing away all the stuff….and I mean ALL THE STUFF.

and as I did I let all the feelings that came with every little shoe, pink dress, piece of art, book, paper and toy come to the surface. I didn’t try to hold it in, I let myself cry over each memory, and every lost opportunity and every missed snuggle and bedtime story and then…

I LET IT GO

I thanked Jesus for all he has given me, asked HIM to forgive me for ALL my failures, cried a bucket of tears and then….

I LET GO

because If I fill up my FUTURE with all the stuff from my PAST there is not room for my NOW.

Letting go has been the theme of this season of my life.

 I watched #1 and #2 walk down the aisle and give their hearts, their lives, their time to another last summer.

precious #3 moved out last week, ready for all life has for her as she stands at the doorstep of adulthood.

I have had to watch as fiercely independent #4 struggles with accepting that she can not do everything that others can, and how that affects her future and her heart.

And as #5 tests boundaries and struggles to love who God has created her to be….I pray…. because my words have little power in her 8th grade heart.

It is so easy to get stuck.

stuck in hurt or anger or regret

TODAY is hard enough without weighing ourselves down with our yesterdays.

so would you let me encourage you today

whether you are letting go of that newborn and chasing the toddler or putting your kindergartener on a bus for the first time or watching your newly graduated senior drive off to college,  spend some time letting go of what WAS

so that you are free to enjoy what IS.

I have found myself asking the question “am I enough” I lot lately.

was I enough for my kids?

Do I work enough?

Do I do enough ministry?

Do I cook healthy enough meals?

Do I save enough money?

Do  I make my kids read enough?

Am I good enough?

Do you ever ask that question? do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try or how much you give up or how much time you give to others…. somehow it is never ENOUGH?!?!

If not, you can stop reading, and can I get your phone number?

My son got married last weekend. And I cried for weeks leading up to it! The entire time he was growing up I felt SO NOT ENOUGH! I never felt like I was a good mom. I felt like a miserable failure most days. We fought all the time, he made choices that scared me to death….but he also made some great choices. He is an elementary school teacher now, He has a wife that he loves very well, he has made his own path to faith in Jesus and I really like him.

I promise you I never felt like I was ENOUGH when he was growing up. But that led me to my knees. those mother prayers in the middle of the night, those anguished cries for my child, they were answered. All I did was stick in there, kept pursuing relationship with him, kept on believing in him even when he made stupid choices. I never stopped praying…and that has made all the difference.

t

the vs. I prayed over Luke every day,

I was right, I was not enough,

I AM NOT ENOUGH…but I know who is.

Us moms in the middle can be so very hard on ourselves! we look back and wish we had done things better, we long for a “do over”.  Can we just give ourselves a break!

these days

Can we just ENJOY our children? Can we stop wishing for days gone by and start enjoying the days that are here? transition is so hard and letting go is even harder, I know, I’m right there with you! BUT I’m afraid we are missing the joys of today because of our regrets of yesterday.

WE MADE MISTAKES…CAN WE JUST GET OVER IT!

We miss those little faces that looked up to us as if we hung the moon. We long for little arms around our necks and kisses on our cheeks.. we must grieve those days…and theN we must move on so that we can enjoy today!

Our identity is not in who we raise. Our identity in is Christ. I have found that this stage of life has made me focus more and more on Jesus and on the identity HE has given me. I have time now to sit at HIS feet without little ones always under foot.

I think God wants us to know that its OK to not be enough…that HE is ENOUGH...AND THAT IS ENOUGH.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Pat, Pastor of That Neighborhood Church , is my hero.

Pat is the most talented Children’s pastor I have ever met, He is a gifted communicator and a creative artist,  but he chooses to serve in a very small congregation located in the poorest zip code in our state. …

I asked him why

It began with a small whisper in 2004 that became  a louder whisper on his way home from Bangkok in 2010 …

"At first I tried to push away the "whispers" but every time I would push them away, they returned with more horse power....What it meant I wasn't sure, but I knew I needed to follow God's lead. For me it was really a Nehemiah moment. My heart broke for people living in North Toledo who are being held hostage in generational poverty, drugs and prostitution..."

Watching Pat with the people he serves is both humbling and inspiring.  He has a favorite saying

prove it

and prove it he does, every day.

From eating Lunch with the kids who are in the home school co-op that his wife runs.

to encouraging his volunteers

to being a real friend….

Pat sharing a special moment with one of the women from the neighborhood. This is a picture of his new grandchild. Pat treats everyone he meets as a friend, as a person of value. That may not seem like a lot but in the neighborhood that he lives in many people have NEVER  been treated as if they mattered.

“My job is to let them know God loves them and created them on purpose, for a purpose and with a purpose.”

So what is his secret? what makes him so special? Is He a super Christian?

NO!!

he is just like you and me, he had many doubts and fears….

1. How am I going to get paid?
4. How am I going to move my family to the hood?
5. My wife will never want to move into the hood.
9. No one’s going to want to leave suburbia and help me plant a church in the hood.
10. How I’m I going to know You are really calling me?

BUT GOD>>>>

“God knows we are going to have a ”but God” moment. It’s only when we decide to take the next steps that we will experience God’s blessing,  provision and protection.”

"You can’t have it both ways. You can’t expect to experience God in a real way unless you are willing to  step through the door called fear and trust God to carry you.  To believe He has your back.

I asked Pat how we as a community could come along side of him to help…

he had LOTS of ideas!

First is on Saturday nights during our service.  Many of our volunteers come from outside the neighborhood.  Building relationships is key.

 Helping with the children and youth during the serviced is a huge piece to the puzzle.  We also need folks who could come a lead us  in worship.  We have a group from ACT that comes once a month, but would love more to get involved.

Second is helping with our little school.  My wife is teaching 5 students through a home school coop environment.  We need people who  can come and help during the day, provide lunches etc...

Third is helping with renovations on the Youth Developement Center, Plank Factory and installing fencing and landscaping around the new parking lot.

Forth is we need someone who can demolish a small house behind our Youth Development center.  We need to flatten it before they can finish the parking lot in the spring.

Fifth is mentoring the young men in our neighborhood.  Many don't have fathers at home.  It only takes a little time to make a difference that will last forever.

And I will add that they can always use help at sports camp in the summer! Get your kids involved, you will never regret it! Both of my oldest have gone into teaching, their experience here had a HUGE impact on their life direction.

If your interested in any of these you can call the church office at 419-244-8672 or go to our website at www.lovegodlovepeopleproveit.com and fill out our contact us page.